literature

Re-try--Jeff the killer story

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Literature Text

The sky rumbled, its complaints going unattended as rain trickled from it.  Thick clouds highlighted by sporadic jolts of lightning littered the atmosphere.  The moon was lost in the storm, all of the stars hiding with it.  The night brought on an unknown feeling of eeriness that rippled over the earth like the thunder snapping in the clouds.

Hidden by his hoodie, Jeff walked down the street, raindrops making little grey dots on his white jacket.  He walked with broad steps, his hands hanging idly by his sides.  Watered-down blood dripped from his hands, red stains coming out of his clothes with every sheet of rain.  His hair clung to his body, finally getting a well-deserved cleaning.  The seventeen-year-old kept his unblinking eyes on his feet, drops of water obstructing his vision as he strolled down the sidewalk.  He was in search of a new neighborhood, of new victims.  Lights on the horizon beckoned to him.  Jeff's Glasgow smile widened.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the Barring household, Stephanie and her friend Jenny lay sprawled out in front of a widescreen TV.  The date was October the 29th, so it wasn't uncommon for TV stations to only be broadcasting B-horror movies.

"This movie bites," Jenny said, gesturing toward the TV.  They were watching a TV-special slasher movie, in which the antagonist "Freddy V. Meyers" was hunting down campers on Halloween in their dreams.  The girls estimated that the budget of the film was somewhere around $73 dollars.

"Yes, yes it does..." Stephanie responded, nodding in agreement. "But there's nothing else on."

"It's hard to believe that this is the best thing on," Jenny said, watching as the ripped-off killer began lunging wildly at campers while making a series of sounds resembling that of a dying seal elephant.

Stephanie laughed at it and said, "I can call my parents and ask them to pick up a movie while they're out, if you want."

"Please.  And try to make it good.  This has been...mind-numbing." Jenny massaged her temples overly-dramatically.

Stephanie nodded and got up.  She walked downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed the phone from it, dialing her mother's cell number and leaning against the wall.  She wrapped the phone's wire around her index finger as she listed to it ring.  

"Hello?" her mother answered.

"Hey, Mom.  It's Steph.  Could you pick up a horror movie on your way home?  There's nothing good on," the teen said hopefully.

"Of course, dear.  We'll be home in a few minutes, all right?"

"Okay, Mom," Stephanie said, smiling. "See you then."

She hung up and started back to the TV room.  On her way, the power cut out.  She squeaked as the house became black, the only light the occasional zip of lightning outside the windows.  

She hurried the rest of the way up the stairs and called in the darkness to Jenny. "Jen?  where are you?"

She felt someone grab her from behind and screamed, struggling against the grip.  The B-horror flick suddenly seemed far more frightening.  She felt her heart rate pick up.  Someone breathed in her ear, the sound raspy and coarse.

"Gottcha," Jenny said, laughing heartily and letting her friend go.

"You suck!" Stephanie said, shoving her away and laughing skiddishly.

Jenny snickered and said, "I didn't know you were that easily scared."

"Well, it's almost Halloween, so that puts me on edge as is," she replied, shaking a little.

Thunder cracked outside, sheets of rain falling from the sky.

Stephanie flinched at that and stumbled to the couch. "I wonder when Mom and Dad will be back," she mumbled mostly to herself, eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness.

"Soon, I bet," Jenny said, taking a seat on the ground.

From downstairs, the door opened with a squeal and shut firmly back again.

"That must be them now," Jenny said, calling downstairs, "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Barring!"

"Hello!" a voice responded.

Stephanie laughed and said, "That's my dad's 'creepy voice'.  He's such a weirdo."

"I'll go see what movie they got," Jenny said, standing and walking to the opening of the stairs.

"Okay," Stephanie said, searching for a flashlight in a drawer.

Jenny disappeared into the darkness as the door opened once again downstairs.  Whoever opened it refused to close it, leaving the door cracked open.  Rain fell on the doormat.

Jenny looked around the kitchen and furrowed her brow. "How are you??"


Stephanie found the flashlight and turned it on, shining it around the room.  The dim beam of light hardly made a dint in the darkness, but it was a reasonable start.  She started down the steps, almost able to feel the black enclosing around her.  

Something thudded in the kitchen.  She heard her mother say, "Hello?  Who's--"

Her voice fell short.  She heard a sort of hiss and rolled her eyes.  Jenny was such a prankster.  She was always trying to pull jokes to scare people.

"Very funny," she said, putting a hand on her hips and shining the light into the kitchen.  Something zipped out of her vision.  She saw her parents, though, laying on the ground.

"Oh, so you got them on it too," she said, laughing, "Very funny Jenny."

Someone grabbed her from behind, not even causing her to flinch.  She sighed. "Jen, that was barely even funny the first time.  You're pushing it."

She dropped her flashlight accidentally and saw the light land on Jenny, her body laying on the ground with a Chelsea smile craved onto her face.  Her eyelids were gone.  Her chest was gutted.

Stephanie stilled.  She heard the wheezing of a madman from behind her and smelled the blood on his breath.  She began to shake and looked back fearfully at her attacker.

She saw a pale face.  It was as pale as winter's first snow.  A small nub was where a nose should've been, the face terribly mutilated.  His eyes were hidden beneath a curtain of wet black hair.  A jaggedly cut smile ran the length of his face, the crimson of flesh standing out in the yellow light of the flashlight.  His canines glimmered dully.  He spoke before she got the chance to. "Shh, shh, shh..." One hand inched up to her throat, the other still wrapped around her waist.  He gently pressed the knife to her neck.  He was about to say something when she screamed and pushed him away, scrambling as best she could to the kitchen.  She found her parents in a similar state to Jenny and retched, trying to run to the backdoor.  

"No!  Come back!" she heard the man call from behind her. "I want to make you beautiful like me!"

She shrieked again and made it outside, slamming the door shut behind her and running to a tree.  She desperately tried to climb it, calling for help all the while.

Jeff came up behind her, his movements swift and expertly quiet.  He looked up at her, forever-wide eyes tracking her movements in the tree.

He grabbed her foot and yanked her down, slamming her against the trunk and looking her in the eye.  He lifted the knife and spoke, his voice dementedly breathy. "Just go to sleep..."

The world blackened.
I tried again 'coz the last one brought me great disappointment.

Comment please and let me know which one you liked better c:

This is the original: [link]

Jeff (c) however owns him

Other characters and story (c) meeee

Download to read properly
© 2012 - 2024 horrorwriter34
Comments26
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aPelican's avatar
That was fun to read, your turn of phrase in the descriptions of the start were rather magical, though in the main body, there were a few spelling errors that were essentially just typos e.g. 'craved' instead of 'carved', that was pretty funny.

And... in this extract

Something thudded in the kitchen. She heard her mother say, "Hello? Who's--"

Her voice fell short. She heard a sort of hiss and rolled her eyes. Jenny was such a prankster. She was always trying to pull jokes to scare people.

I can see you changed from the description of the mother back to our main character, but they both relate to a femal character which makes it hard to tell one from the other. (I highlighted the confusion in italics). I just suggest you be more specific in little errors like that.